I love the title to John Ortberg’s book Everyone’s Normal Until You Get To Know Them because it so adequately describes my family.

These days you have a 50/50 shot of having parents that stay together for a lifetime. I was one of those kids outside that ‘happily ever after’ group. My parents divorced when I was a young adult, so although I do remember the family together growing up, for the past 20+ years there has been separation. One thing about divorce that seems common is the burden of choosing ‘which parent’. Which parent do we invite for Christmas this year? Which parent should we let stay for the girl’s graduation?  Which parent’s house did we go to last? It’s a bit like the elementary school playground where the two popular kids get to pick teams for kickball. Who gets chosen?

In our family, choosing which parent was generally an easy task. To describe my father, he was a perfect candidate for a spot in the Land of Misfit Toys if you remember the animated kid’s movie “Rudolf the Red Nosed Reindeer”. He was just not the normal father. He worked all the time. He seemed to find more enjoyment being away from the family. When he was home he preferred reading a book to playing with us in the back yard or going to our neighborhood football games. My brothers and I simply discovered and found life without him. So at the time of my parents’ divorce it was an easy choice. We chose Mom. We went to Moms for the holidays. We invited mom to the kid’s activities. It was Mom who received most of the Saturday morning phone calls describing the play by play of school events. Mom got the recap of the soccer games or that first squirrel hunt. It was mom that heard about the great grades on the report cards.  It was Mom that was chosen. Then something changed. From out of nowhere something happened inside me that messed up this “arrangement”.

I became angry! As a father, my expectations for how a father should act changed. Also my expectation of how a grandfather should treat his kids/grandkids changed. I wanted more from him! I saw how other dads were a part for their families…how other grandfathers took their grandkids fishing or hunting or attended soccer games and I was JEALOUS!.  I WAS MAD!! This anger not only affected my attitude about my father it affected ME. It consumed me. Why would he not visit or call? Why would he completely ignore his own grandchildren? What kind of person would do that?

Aside from my newly tainted view of the world and my father, nothing else changed. My Dad didn’t start withdrawing from our family. He didn’t start failing to call. He didn’t start forgetting a birthday or two. He remained the same person. It was me that changed. It was my expectations that changed. It was me that wanted something seemingly missing; this was my problem, my anger. I was the one starting to look at the world through a different lens; nothing else had changed. 

Now, as I look back on all that anger I had towards my father, I realize I didn’t solve those issues myself. My anger didn’t dissolve because I simply changed my expectation and my outlook of my father and our family. My anger dissolved because God forgave me as a sinner. God forgave me for the sin of hate I had in my heart for someone I blamed. It wasn’t until seeking forgiveness was I able to change my expectations and see my father as human and fallible like his son. 

My father and I are great friends now. We enjoy spending time together. We enjoy playing golf and have taken many golf trips together. We also read many of the same books and often joke about how nice it would be if we were simply left alone to read our books.

—Tony Edwards

Light: The candle of JOY

Read: The Good Shepherd, JSB p. 130 (Psalm 51, 2 Samuel 7, Psalm 23)


Ask: Is there a song that reminds you of God’s love? What is it?

Pray: Ask God to make the dark hearts of the Ghanaian slave masters clean.

Jesse Tree Ornament: Crown

Act: Sing a song or read a passage that reminds you of God’s love.