Imagine being punched in the stomach and you are unable to breathe. That is exactly how we felt the day we found out our precious baby boy, Owen, was diagnosed with Trisomy 13.  You see, Trisomy 13 isn’t like other trisomies; it is almost always fatal. Exactly 3 days after that diagnosis, Owen took his last breath while we held him in our arms. Our world came to an end as we knew it, and I guess this is where our waiting to be rescued starts.

In the beginning, we spent a lot of time crying and questioning God.  Why did God allow this to happen to our baby? Why didn’t we ask more questions before he was born? Why did I get my tubes tied? How are we going to move on? It seemed like the more we questioned the louder the silence became.  We clung to Jeremiah 29:11. We knew that God didn’t intend to harm us. We knew that God wanted to give us hope and a future, but waiting for that to happen was torture.

In the meantime, we tried to fix the problem ourselves. Thinking that having another baby would fill the hole in our hearts, we did everything we knew to do. We tried to reverse the tubal ligation I had when Owen was born. I guess one could say it was a success, because I became pregnant twice. The first time the pregnancy ended up being ectopic, and it had to be surgically removed. The second time I had a miscarriage. We even tried in vitro fertilization, which also was unsuccessful.  Again, we started questioning God. Where was God when we needed Him most? Why wasn’t He rescuing us? Why wasn’t He giving us what we knew we needed?   All we heard was silence.

Then one day a song came on K-Love, “Held” by Natalie Grant. Some of the lyrics are, “Who told us we'd be rescued? What has changed and why should we be saved from nightmares? We're asking why this happens to us who have died to live, it's unfair. This is what it means to be held. How it feels when the sacred is torn from your life and you survive. This is what it is to be loved and to know. That the promise was that when everything fell, we'd be held.” It was at that moment something clicked. We were never promised to live perfectly happy lives. We were never promised that we wouldn’t experience tragedy. What we were promised is when bad things happen; God will be there to hold us, to rescue us, to keep us moving forward.

At that moment real healing began. God’s voice became loud and clear. He had never left us. He was holding us. He was helping us to get out of bed every day, and put one foot in front of the other. He was helping us to take care of our then three year old, Hayden. He was putting people in our lives to give us encouragement. He was recusing us and we never noticed, because it wasn’t the type of rescue we were looking for.

Owen passing away was terrible, and as hard as that time period in our life was, we couldn’t imagine it any other way. We are stronger as individuals and as a couple. Plus, we now have another son we adopted three years ago. But most importantly, we have learned how to let God take care of us and to lean on Him. If you are in need of rescue, like we were, know that God cares, He listens, and He wants nothing more than to take care of you.

“Cast your cares on the Lord and He will sustain you: He will never let the righteous fall.” Psalm 55:22

—Jennifer Winkler

Light: The candle of JOY

Read: The teeny, weenie…true king, JSB p. 116 (1 Samuel 16)


Ask: Would you rather receive a beautifully wrapped, but empty box or a great gift in ugly wrapping paper? What does this have to do with how you see people?

Pray: Ask God to give you a heart full of love. Ask to see others the way God sees them.

Jesse Tree Ornament: Little Boy with Sheep

Act: Designate and decorate a place for the coming King (a seat at your table, a place by your fireplace or tree…)