Daily Scripture Reading: 1 Samuel 2:1-10; Genesis 37:2-11; Matthew 1:1-17

So the theme is light in the darkness, and if there's one thing I've learned in my seventeen years (not a long time, I know) is that sometimes finding the light in complete darkness is hard if you don't have God or if you don’t have people God has put in your path to help you find it.

This story started in ninth grade. I found Junior High show choir. I had quit basketball for it, because I was convinced it was where I belonged. It was. Show choir is where I found my second family. Sure, they were overly dramatic and slightly dysfunctional, but it turned out to be a great fit for me. I had struggled with anxiety and ADHD and all the issues and complications that these brought. Finding show choir really helped me as I struggled through that. Then auditions for High School show choir came around. And on April 17, 2014 my heart was crushed at 9:40 AM. I didn't make it. All my friends (except two) made it. I didn't know what to feel. I was numb. I felt like I had just been thrown out of a family - not just thrown out but tossed on my butt. In the following months I staggered through a deep depression. You could no longer call it “relapsing” it was more of a habit. As soon as my alarm when off in the morning, I wanted the day to be over. For some who struggle with depression, the feeling may be one of nothingness or emptiness. But I was feeling overwhelmed with every terrible emotion you can think of: anger, loneliness, sadness, and emptiness. I had to hide it because people needed to think I was okay. They needed to think I was strong. But I had friends who saw through it all. I remember the various texts from friends just sending me “kissy face” emojis saying “hope you had decent day today”. I had friends who would hug me before every competition (I had chosen to work as show choir manager) and whisper “love you, wish you were with us up there”. It was moments like that that gave me the hope that it would get better.

Then, in my Junior year the following April - after a season of working behind the scenes but constantly wishing I was on stage - I made Senior High Show Choir! I have to say that during that previous year, I tried to convince myself that I was not defined by whether or not I had made. And I think I mostly succeeded, but it was always lingering at the edges of my mind. My mom told me that the day of the auditions some parents met and just prayed for me, asking for God to give me courage and confidence. After she told me this, I remember feeling such overwhelming love. It was as if I looked back through various moments of the previous year and I finally saw that I’d never fought my depression alone. The parents who would constantly encourage me to try out again, the parents who would comfort me after watching the show choir perform. The friends that would send me texts, or give me hugs. I was never alone.

My story isn't one where I saw the light as I was in the darkness, it is one where I saw it only after I looked back. Fighting depression was one of the hardest things I’ve had to do, and I have the scars to show how hard it was, but I was never alone. I saw how God put people in my path to lift me up in moments when I felt the weakest. I look back now and see when I was on my knees - even then - He was providing for and protecting me. I always think back to Isaiah 41:10. That verse is a constant reminder that we never fight our battles alone, no matter how alone we may feel, even in the darkness.

—Macy Richardson